Last Updated on May 2, 2024 by Daniele Lima
Do you want to know if you are living in this type of toxic relationship? To find out how narcissists act with “their victims” ( Narcissistic Relationship )
Living a relationship with an ordinary person already involves going through unexpected challenges, as we are talking about aligning ideas, thoughts, tastes, and actions of two different beings, but when one of them is narcissistic, everything becomes a thousand times more difficult. Yes, this is because some of the main characteristics of those who have this disorder are being extremely selfish and cold.
Narcissists have an absurd need for admiration and audience from their victims, they are professional manipulators and they do it with frightening mastery.
Many people don’t know how to identify whether they are in a relationship with one of them, due to a pure lack of knowledge of how they act.
In this article you will learn step by step how they work, transforming the relationship with their“supply victims” in an endless cycle, until the other person decides to get out of it.
Table of Contents
1 – Love Bombing
Before starting the “Love Bombing” phase, you can be sure that the victim has been carefully observed in their behavior so that the narcissist behaves exactly as she always dreamed.
The strategy used during the Love Bombing period is to surround the person with excessive displays of love, affection, and attention, making them feel unique, exclusive, and practically placed on an altar of worship.
The victim will be completely involved, as he will make a point of meeting your deepest emotional needs and in many cases, hinting at or even proposing a more serious commitment such as marriage, in a short space of time.
2 – Stalking
When we talk about stalking, we immediately think of a “secretive investigation” into the other person to find out what they are doing, where they are, etc…
It turns out that when it comes to a narcissist, the strategy is a little more elaborate. It doesn’t mean that he won’t follow the victim’s steps in the traditional way, but his skill is such that he can make her provide the information of her own free will, without realizing the manipulation.
Furthermore, they may try to control each other’s lives offline, monitoring your location, entering your home without permission, or even arriving unexpectedly, forging just a surprise, but with ulterior motives.
3 – Mirroring
During the mirroring phase, the narcissist will be convinced that he and his victim were truly meant for each other, lying about having the same tastes.
Generally, he will let the other party speak first about something and then the famous attack phrase comes in.” me too”. A good example is being together in the car and a song starts playing and the victim says it’s their favorite and guess what? It’s him too, just like his favorite dish, the color, the place, the movie, and so on…
This strategy is done with the aim of gaining other people’s approval and keeping the relationship “harmonious” and under their control until the next phase comes.
4 – Isolation
At this stage, the victim is completely surrendered to the narcissist, which is why he begins the Machiavellian plan of making her isolate herself in two ways:
Emotional isolation:
This type of isolation is done through the emotional dependence that the narcissist creates in the victim. She now only feels good when she is with him. His plan is to undermine the other party’s self-esteem and self-confidence, making them feel insecure and dependent on him, becoming increasingly susceptible to his manipulations.
Social isolation:
The second part is to make the victim subtly distance themselves from family and friends, often criticizing them. about them. The other person will think he is being protected, but what happens in reality is quite different. He often tries to isolate the victim from outsiders, because his intention is to have total control over his partner’s life, and he does not want others to people warned about the type of abusive relationship and danger that is being subjected to.
5 – Future Faking
The Future Faking phase is very cowardly, as it begins a barrage of promises that will only be used to manipulate the victim. This term is often used in contexts related to toxic relationships.
During this phase, the narcissist is an expert at making big promises and plays big. You can talk about marriage, children, buying a house together, and a life full of achievements. All of this with the aim of attracting and keeping the partner involved.
The biggest problem with the “future faking” phase is that promises rarely come true. The narcissist often avoids fulfilling them or gives up on them when they realize that they have completely dominated the victim’s emotional control. Which is very sad, because she is stuck with these promises and consequently with the relationship as well.
6 – Financial manipulation
Financial manipulation in a relationship with a narcissist is a form of emotional and psychological abuse in which he attempts to control and financially exploit the victim to satisfy his own needs and desires.
A narcissist may insist on controlling all of their partner’s finances, including income, spending, and budgeting. They may require all accounts to be in your name or control access to joint accounts, making your partner financially dependent.
Another more subtle way is when he acts by victimizing himself, causing her to become sensitive and spend her desires with him. The biggest mistake is that this can happen even when his financial condition is much higher than that of the other party. What matters is commanding…
7 – Gaslighting
This term refers to the psychological abuse that the narcissist does to the victim, causing the victim to doubt her own mental health.
The dirty and cruel hoax works like this, narcissists often deny events, conversations, or actions that actually occurred, causing their victims to question their own memories and perceptions. For example, they may deny having said or done something offensive, even if the victim is sure it happened. And they love to use the classic question “You are crazy?”
Most of the time it disqualifies the victim’s feelings and emotions, making them believe they are exaggerating or being overly dramatic. As a result, it is very difficult or even impossible for the victim to express their concerns or emotional needs.
Here comes the most painful part of this process, after leaving the victim confused, he manages to project onto her all the responsibility for the bad relationship, she believes it and despairs trying to reverse the situation, fighting alone.
8 – Triangulation
The process of triangulation begins when the narcissist introduces a third person, animals, or elements into the relationship on purpose, to create conflict, and insecurity and generate competition. All this affects the victim’s self-esteem and feel superior to them.
Triangulation can be done through comparisons of the victim with another woman, which in most cases is another victim, who is probably still in a relationship with him. May intentionally flirt with other people in front of the victim, seeking attention and validation for himself. Furthermore, he can form alliances with third parties to spread gossip, slander, and anything else that could harm the other person’s reputation.
Faced with this situation, the victim in question despairs and tries to do everything to gain acceptance and validation from the narcissist, but this effort is completely in vain.
9 – Devaluation
Contrary to what was offered at the beginning of the relationship, placing the victim on a pedestal, and praising them in every way, now it becomes the opposite with the devaluation stage.
At this stage, all the “material collected” in the form of confidence by the victim becomes ammunition against herself, by the narcissist to devalue her.
This works like this: everything that is important to the victim, he will diminish, despise or even criticize, so that he or she feels bad and devalued.
10 – Silent treatment
The silent treatment works as a kind of “punishment” that the narcissist gives to the victim, regardless of whether she displeased him or not. It’s something that happens without prior warning, or specific reason, it’s simply his cruel whim.
This silence can be total or partial, sometimes the victim can send a message and be responded to days later and very coldly, or reach a more serious point of being completely ignored even through unanswered calls.
This creates a feeling of great anguish in the victim, as there is still a relationship, but it is not the same as before. As a result, she blames herself, trying to find a reason to justify the narcissist’s cowardly behavior.
11 – Disposal
In a narcissistic relationship, the discarding process refers to the moment when the narcissist decides to end the relationship or simply abandon the victim without telling them.
This is an important point in a relationship with a narcissist and can be extremely painful and confusing for the person who has been rejected.
Narcissistic withdrawal symptoms usually occur suddenly and for no apparent reason. A narcissist may end a relationship in a cold and callous manner, without considering the partner’s feelings. This can be a terrible shock for marginalized people, especially when he simply disappears and out of nowhere, he appears with another victim.
12 – Defamation
The defamation phase of a narcissistic relationship is a manipulative strategy commonly used by them to annihilate the victim’s reputation.
During this period, the narcissist tries to discredit her in front of other people, spreading false, exaggerated, and distorted information about her.
He will simply try to reverse the roles, with the aim of proving to other people that the unbalanced, manipulative, and inhumane person is none other than the victim of his abuse.
13 – Hoovering
And after all this tragic drama that the narcissist makes the victim live until he discards her as if she were trash, he simply returns after a certain time, with the intention of rescuing her from the cycle of abuse again. The worst of all is that this return usually happens when the other person is already at a more restored level regarding the evils they suffered. The narcissist does not accept seeing anyone well…
This stage we call Hoovering, where the abuser returns simulating deep regret, claiming that during the period of absence, he reflected a lot and came to the conclusion that he cannot live without his “favorite victim”. With this also comes a repertoire full of promises, accompanied by the classic phrase “Now everything will be different between us”.
Unfortunately, most of the time the victim falls for his conversation, and his very well-done performance, thinking that that act is sincere and that he really came back out of love, and therefore, now the relationship will work.
It turns out that this moment is just the door to experiencing the entire process of painful abuse again, but much more quickly in each phase. This leaves the victim even more confused, which can lead to them having very serious symptoms of depression. and other illnesses that can be fatal.
Now that you are aware of how a narcissist acts, it becomes easier to protect yourself from such a person, as they give clear and repetitive signals when they want to attack.
Conclusion:
You may have noticed that the partner has always been referred to as the “victim” in this article because that is exactly what they are. Narcissists don’t have relationships, they have supply victims. The term is in the plural because one of the striking characteristics of a narcissist is infidelity.
If you find yourself in this type of relationship, ask for help to get out of this cycle of abuse as soon as possible. This help can come from family, close friends, and even professionals, who will help you have self-knowledge better and know how to correctly define what is good for you.
Remember that even with all the help, your desire is a fundamental part of permanently freeing yourself from the abuser. Only those who have gone through this exhausting and humiliating situation know the damage caused by it, and they certainly would not want to return to this vicious circle.
The best defense weapon you can have to avoid reliving this drama is knowledge about the subject, so find out as much as you can.
The article was written dedicated to women who make up a large percentage of victims, but let’s emphasize that narcissistic disorder does not choose gender, so care applies to everyone.
Narcissistic – FAQ:
Are narcissistic people insecure
Yes, narcissistic people often exhibit behaviors driven by underlying insecurities. Despite projecting confidence and grandiosity, they harbor deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and fear of rejection, which they compensate for through manipulative and self-centered actions.
Can narcissistic people change
While change is possible, it’s rare for narcissistic individuals to undergo significant transformation due to their resistance to introspection and accountability. However, with dedicated therapy and self-awareness, some may develop healthier coping mechanisms and interpersonal skills over time.
How to stop being narcissistic
Stopping narcissistic tendencies requires sincere introspection, therapy, and a willingness to confront and address underlying insecurities and distorted perceptions of self and others. Developing empathy, fostering genuine connections, and practicing humility are crucial steps in overcoming narcissistic traits.
How to deal with a narcissistic mother
Dealing with a narcissistic mother involves setting boundaries, seeking support from others, and prioritizing self-care. Establish clear communication, limit contact if necessary, and focus on building healthy relationships outside the family dynamic to mitigate the impact of her behavior on your well-being.
